Have you ever prayed—deeply, desperately—for something you thought would change your life?

• A healthy relationship
• A peaceful season
• A long-awaited opportunity
• Healing, purpose, or clarity

And then, when it finally comes… you hesitate.
You overthink. You pull away. You wonder if it’s too good to be true.

It’s one of the most confusing emotional experiences: longing for something, only to resist it when it arrives.

Why We Reject the Very Things We Prayed For

This resistance is more common—and more human—than we realize. Both faith traditions and psychology offer insight into why this happens.

1. Fear of Disappointment

After enduring seasons of waiting or heartbreak, your brain may default to protective pessimism—a defense mechanism designed to shield you from hope that feels risky (Norem & Chang, 2002).

You brace for loss, not because you're negative—but because loss has left an imprint.
According to trauma research, repeated emotional pain conditions the brain to expect harm, even in moments of peace (van der Kolk, 2014).

2. Unworthiness

You may struggle to accept good things because deep-rooted shame or self-criticism makes you feel undeserving. Research on self-concept and receiving shows that individuals with low self-worth often sabotage or deflect kindness and opportunity (Neff, 2003).

You might think: "Why would something this good be meant for me?"

But here’s the truth: you are not meant to earn joy—you’re meant to receive it.

3. Trauma and Conditioning

If your nervous system is used to chaos, stillness can feel unsafe.
This is known as trauma habituation—the tendency to feel more comfortable in high-stress environments because they’re familiar (Porges, 2011).

When peace or love arrives, your body might interpret it as a threat—not because it's wrong, but because it's new.

4. Control and Vulnerability

Receiving what you asked for often requires surrender—to timing, to grace, to being seen and cared for.

But surrendering means letting go of control—something that may have once helped you survive.
Letting someone in, accepting rest, or trusting abundance can feel like you're risking too much.

In truth, it’s not weakness. It’s growth.

What to Do When You’re Scared to Receive Goodness

1. Slow down. Name what you feel.

Emotions lose power when they are named. This is supported by affect labeling research, which shows that putting words to feelings reduces amygdala activation and increases emotional regulation (Lieberman et al., 2007).

Ask yourself: Am I anxious? Suspicious? Guilty? Frozen?

2. Remind yourself: you're allowed to receive.

You do not have to justify your joy.
Even if you’ve struggled. Even if you still doubt.
Grace is not something you earn—it’s something you accept.

3. Reflect: Is this what I asked for?

Not all blessings arrive in the package we imagined.
Sometimes, clarity or love looks quieter than expected.
Ask: Is this aligned with what I prayed for—even if it looks different?

4. Talk to God about your fear—not just your desires.

God can handle your fear.
Let your prayers include honesty, not just hope.
Even spiritual traditions emphasize wrestling with the unknown as part of transformation (see the story of Jacob in Genesis 32:22–32 or the du'as of the prophets in Islamic tradition).

5. Choose trust over sabotage.

When you’re used to disappointment, trusting can feel unsafe.
But choosing trust doesn’t mean eliminating fear—it means not letting it lead.

Let yourself explore the possibility that this time, what’s unfolding is safe, true, and meant for you.

Final Thought: Maybe the Answer to Your Prayer Is You Learning to Receive It

Sometimes, the wait wasn’t for the right person, job, or season—it was for you to feel ready.

The delay isn’t punishment. It’s preparation.
For trust. For healing. For receiving.

If something good has entered your life and it feels hard to hold, take a breath.
Sit with your younger self—the one who once prayed for this—and remind yourself:
"You’re safe now. You’re not who you were. You’re allowed to receive."

_____

References

• Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science.
• Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity.
• Norem, J. K., & Chang, E. C. (2002). The positive psychology of negative thinking. Journal of Clinical Psychology.
• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation.
• van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.