In today’s world, many of our relationships unfold not just in person but online. Social media has blurred the lines between genuine connection and unhealthy attention.

One common experience is when someone repeatedly watches your stories, likes old posts, or even creates new accounts to follow you—yet avoids authentic communication. This behavior can feel confusing, intrusive, and unsettling.

The Mixed Signals of Online Attention

When someone engages with you online without showing up honestly in real life, it can feel like a form of stalking.

On the surface, it may seem like harmless curiosity. But research shows that persistent online monitoring can have real psychological effects.

A 2020 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that unwanted digital monitoring—such as repeatedly checking someone’s social media—can lead to distress similar to in-person stalking behaviors. The impact includes:

• Heightened anxiety
• Difficulty trusting others
• Feeling exposed or powerless

Even if not intended to cause harm, this behavior creates an unhealthy imbalance where one person gains access and the other feels watched.

Why Boundaries Matter

Boundaries are essential for protecting peace of mind. In the digital space, this may include:

• Blocking or restricting accounts
• Muting notifications
• Taking intentional breaks from social media

These choices aren’t “dramatic”—they’re healthy. The American Psychological Association highlights that boundary-setting is linked to increased self-worth and reduced stress.

A boundary communicates clearly: My well-being matters more than someone else’s curiosity.

The Role of Attachment and Triggers

What makes online mixed signals so challenging is how they connect with our attachment system.

Research shows that inconsistent behaviors—like giving attention online but avoiding real communication—can activate anxiety, especially in people with an anxious or disorganized attachment style (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).

Pay attention to your body’s signals:

• A drop in your stomach when you see someone’s name appear
• Anxiety before posting a story
• Overthinking after small interactions

These are cues that your nervous system is telling you something isn’t safe or clear. Boundaries help calm those triggers.

Reclaiming Your Power

We can’t control who chooses to watch, lurk, or send mixed signals. But we can control how we respond.

Reclaiming your power means deciding:

• Whose attention is welcome in your digital space
• What kind of communication you deserve
• How much access others have to your life

Research from the University of Bath (2022) found that even short breaks from social media improve stress, sleep, and overall well-being. Curating your online space is an act of self-respect.

Closing Thoughts

When online behaviors start to feel like stalking, it’s a signal to turn inward. Ask yourself:

• What boundary do I need here?
• What feels safe and respectful for me?

By asking these questions, you shift from reacting to someone else’s behavior to protecting your own peace.

Healing often starts by reclaiming your digital and emotional space. You deserve clarity, respect, and relationships built on trust—not mixed signals through a screen.

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References

1. Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
2. Tokunaga, R. S., & Aune, K. S. (2020). Unwanted pursuit in the digital age: Conceptualizing and measuring unwanted digital monitoring. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 35(1–2), 318–342. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260516683170
3. University of Bath. (2022, May 6). Taking a break from social media improves well-being, depression and anxiety. ScienceDaily. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/05/220506103948.htm
4. American Psychological Association. (2019). Boundaries: Why they’re healthy and how to set them.https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/boundaries